Here’s a technique I use for figuring out what’s not ‘OK’, it’s my 10 step process of ‘letting go’.

1. Recognise and accept that you’re not feeling ok, acknowledge the emotion and your behaviour patterns; now make a commitment to create the space to ‘be’.
2. Create the space to get to the bottom of it, ask of yourself “what’s going on for me right now?” Be present, very present – mediation is great for this.
3. Don’t allow yourself to ruminate or stew things over, if this happens then you’re not present – you’re likely to be mulling over the past or hyper tensing about the future. Over thinking or being in your mind can limit the insight you’re trying to access.
4. Allow yourself to ‘be’, see what comes up, write it down using free writing technique, and empty it all out on the page in front of you.
5. Acknowledge what you see on the page that you associate with right now. Perhaps it’s an issue you thought that you’d already resolved, did you try to change it, try to accept it or try to leave it only to find it crops up here again?
6. Know that you’ve not yet let it go – look at the issue, look at it for what it is. Ask yourself, what memory springs to mind strongly here – does the memory of an event or situation play out in your mind’s eye in glorious technicolour?
7. Observe what’s unfolding here, watch it, be the silent witness, be the adult watching – if you sense yourself becoming emotional (mad or sad) come back to looking at the facts – ask yourself “am I watching this from my Adult perspective?”
8. Don’t rationalise the scene, do gather the facts. Put what you see into perspective. Do you recognise some part of you holding onto a belief or way of doing things – explore the source of it, there could be many occurrences to take note of here.
9. Have a meeting with yourself: Adult and the part that’s holding on. Look at the facts and what you know to be true in the here and now, choose to know it no longer serves you any purpose.
10. Bringing ‘it’ into the light allows you to know ‘it’: letting go happens naturally from here.

I’ve been providing journals for my clients for many years, for me, providing a journal means that I can let go of any concern that my client is capturing their own insights both during and between our coaching sessions. I ask my clients what their favourite colour is at our intake and assessment session, I also get a feel for their character and personality, and aim to make a choice based on those facts. On the whole I see an emotional attachment to the journal and to journaling, regardless of their preference and view of reflective practice. I always choose plain paper, so there’s no confines of lines, it also encourages creativity, my clients often draw, and stick photos & images in there too, Lines are a bit too conventional and stifle creativity (in my opinion).

The journals, like many other products from JayGo Touchy Feely Textiles are beautifully made from recycled and special touchy feely things. They’re all handmade in Yorkshire by serious crafter and business woman Jill Govier, who personally adds the special touches of words and quotes to her designs. Jill as I experience her is very much into, passionate about and inspired by people’s stories.

Jill has a number of specialist retailers that stock her products; however you may wish to talk to Jill direct if you’re looking to commission a number of journals or wish to have them designed to your own specification or brand. Production up to Christmas I’m told is full steam ahead, therefore if you want to order something quickly then please get in touch with me by email soon: gail@torchlightcoaching.co.uk

Generally speaking, how great is it to experience a person who has a solid sense of their ‘self’ in the world.

The business of finding out ‘who you think you are’ has seen continued growth in the UK since the late 1960’s, it’s described as the most popular leisure pursuit with over a million and a half people involved in family history, we can see why it could become a good business to be in. I wonder how many entrepreneurs have made the connection with ancestral tourism, how many are making the most of those opportunities to provide accommodation, tours and a great experience. It’s certainly noticeable that there’s a shift in a sense of nostalgia for the past tied with UK made.

Having had wanderlust for many years I’ve recently experienced a very strange and comforting shift since getting involved in the business of searching my family history with the skilled help of my friend and genealogist Alan France. Word had it that my Cherry family roots originated in France, and being inspired by the BBC series ‘who do you think you are’ I was certainly up for a trip over the channel to find my cherry growing ancestors.

As it happens they’ve lived within yards of each other for years and years, right under my nose and right on my door step, My Son is mortified that there’s been no migration of the family since 1775, but why would they? They all had work, many of them self employed (just like me), and Barnsley in those days was at the centre of the industrial boom.

I’m finding my project interesting, intriguing and an exciting process. It’s also had a profound effect on me as a person in mid-life, I get a stronger sense of belonging, I have a stronger passion for making my place a better place to be, I feel more connected to my community and the seemingly progressive work going on in it. I do wonder though if comparatively speaking we (our town) have progressed.

What I do find very amusing is my secret (until now) fascination that I have for fabric, more so, old & intricate paintings of woven fabric, I can lose myself in a gallery, absorbed in a painting of someone dressed in their finery. What’s funny here is the fact that a number of my family were handloom weavers, ok so they didn’t work with silk, they worked linen (genes, jeans…). I chose not to make a garment in my textiles class at school; instead I made a hand woven wall hanging.

I remember fighting nail and tooth be able to get married in a church way outside my parent’s parish, I’m not sure of my reason why, I just had my mind set. When Alan and I went along to the wonderful Archive department in Barnsley Library I found that the majority had married, and had their children baptised there too.

So Gail who, do you think you are, a chip off the old block?

I couldn’t have got through this project without Alan, thank you Alan for your dedicated help in finding my ancestors. http://www.findyourroots.co.uk

I’ve just finished reading a book that is clearly inspired by a defining moment, a moment where the intrinsic importance of education is realised  as something that helped Felicity Davis, the Author of ‘Guard a Silver Sixpence’ to take ownership of her life. What I love about the reflection, the meta- reflection, and the learning that’s going on here in this family history is the realisation that there’s a fine line and a difference between freedom and being free from, and also control and ownership, especially when there’s been very little insight by way of a solid role model.

I finished the book yesterday, in the grotto that once belonged to the Spencer Stanhope family, the family that provided better working conditions for some of Felicity’s ancestors. Cannon Hall stands proudly in the grounds of Cawthorne Park in Barnsley, my home town, where the book begins. I walked the four or so miles from my home in Pogmoor, past the entrance to the lane that led to the Barnby Furnace, where they once lived and worked, and on the way back paid tribute to Felicity’s family.

The message comes through loud and strong, in that we can break the ‘cycle of depravation’, and break the cycle of whatever holds a person stuck in a ‘place’ that’s not working for them. What’s needed is self-efficacy, teamed with support in making sense of what’s happening. I remember two points here, one from Steven Covey (Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) ‘first seek to understand, then to be understood’ and secondly from Los Angeles Times on Csikszentmihalyi (Flow – the psychology of optimal experience)’it is not what happens to us that determines our happiness, but the manner in which we make sense of that reality’.

Not only is this book fascinating to read from a personal point of view, I also found it to be so beautifully and mindfully written, it has inspired me to continue the genealogy I began last year and to revisit and redefine my own goals. Felicity, thank you.

Guard a Silver Sixpence is published by Pan (ISBN 978-0-330-53441-3)

With undivided attention I listened to a radio interview and phone-in last week on the Radio 2 Jeremy Vine show, I was driving back from a meeting with clients in Huddersfield, it was so interesting I pulled over for ten minutes to hear what advice was being given to those leaving the public sector to set up their own business.

In part I agreed with the advice being given although it did seem to skim over the here-and-now reality of the UK and Global recession. Its purpose was to get people looking at what they love to do over the practical skills and the understanding of ‘how to’.

They were talking about ‘personal mastery’ one of the great starting points to becoming an entrepreneur: doing something they love by creating something that matters with a clear sense of purpose. It was creating and creativity, innovation and adaptability that positively brought British businesses out of previous downturns.

I believe that a good starting point for anyone right now is to align trends with what you love to do: look and focus outside yourself, on your creation. Remember that today’s customers are hugely different to generation X or the baby boomers.

Spending too much time trying to psych yourself into a phony ‘business-like’ sales pitch to yourself will be a complete waste of time and energy, instead focus on what you want to create, on its value and benefit to you and the world. The vision of the result will motivate and inspire you into action.

The most difficult challenge is to clearly know what you want before you enter the creating process.  In just a couple of coaching sessions I can work alongside you and help you on your way to starting your own business.

Engaging with me is simple and straight forward, drop me a line and I’ll schedule a half hour no obligation face to face or telephone meeting where we can discuss your needs and you can find out how much your coaching sessions will cost.

gail@torchlightcoaching.co.uk